January 23rd, 2024
Belated New Years Ramblings
We're nearing the end of January but happy New Year! 
(I guess?) Been feeling out of sorts since late November-ish last year, but I figured I should probably update
this lol. I've been thinking about what I want to do with this site, as I've been very unmotivated to maintain it recently. I'm not entirely surprised that
I feel this way. That was partially the reason why I deleted all of my social media a few years ago. I'm just not good at keeping an active presence online.
I've always been more of a lurker, and I'm really bad about interacting with other people, which is like the whole point of social media. I'd post an update and then
scurry back under my rock, not to be heard from again until the next time I updated months later. This was my way of trying to go outside my comfort zone, but I've
fallen back into old habits. Ah, well. 
This isn't to say that I'm thinking of deleting my neocities, just that I'm re-evaluating what I want to do with it. So far, I've been primarily using it as a way to log my book reviews,
with occasional journaling about some of the video games I play. I'm still going to do that, but I need to figure out if I want to do more with this site or if I should
'trim the fat', so to speak, and get rid of inactive pages. In theory, I'd like to read more manga. In actuality, I don't. Not sure why. Maybe because I'm lazy or
because I don't want to put in the investment to start something new? I dunno. Maybe I'm just falling out of love with the medium. I've noticed that my tolerance of
'Japanisms' has drastically decreased over the years. I have an almost zero tolerance now for corny tropes or general degen shit. It's the main reason why I basically
no longer watch anime. I just find it all so tiresome. I find a lot of things tiresome nowadays.
Another page I'm considering removing is actually this journal page. I mean, I probably won't, but still. In my very first journal entry, I mentioned that this journal is
redundant because I already keep two irl: a Hobonochi Cousin for daily/fun journaling and a Leuchtturm for serious stuff. Not quite sure what to do about this one, aside
from updating it infrequently about random shit. As for the rest of my site, ehhhhh...
It's funny. This is my personal site, so I can do whatever I want, as long as I don't piss off Kyle Neocities. And yet, I find that I limit myself, curating what I say
and what I post. I have a bad habit of self-sabotage, where I talk myself out of going after opportunities due to fear of failure, and I feel like this has somewhat extended
itself into this silly little site I maintain. Instead of expressing myself freely, I box myself in. I carve away parts of myself that feel too vulnerable or genuine to share
or could be misconstrued until all that's left is a generic version of myself. I mean, this is pretty natural, to an extent. We all curate various
'masks' of ourselves when interacting with the outside world and others. But, in the case of the internet, where I am relatively anonymous, why do I still do this? It's
something I've just been thinking about lately. Why don't I let myself go apeshit, go turbo autistic in terms of my interests? I mean, it's not like I'm going
to post anything harmful by any means. The most harm I could cause is second-hand embarrassment from all of the cringe lol. I dunno. Maybe I'll try to be more intentional with
this site this year rather than just maintaining it like I did in 2023. Might be fun to make random pages to explore my interests or various topics. I think my problem is
that I feel like I can't let myself be a beginner or amateur at anything. If I'm going to make a post about a dedicated topic, I feel like I have to be an expert, or at the
very least super familiar with said topic. Which is ridiculous. I'm not an expert on anything.
For instance, I've been toying with the idea of starting a feminist reading project. It would be a long-term project where I would read prominent texts throughout the feminist
movement, probably organized by the various waves (1st wave, 2nd wave, and so on). It would be mostly western-focused, but I'd like to read feminist works from other cultures
to gain more perspective. The issue is that while I call myself a feminist, I know nothing about the actual movement, its history, or the various sub-types. Because of this,
I haven't started the project. The obvious answer is to get over myself and start compiling a reading list, but the thought of reading feminist texts (which most likely won't be
the easiest to get through) while also learning more about the historical and social context of the movement is a little daunting. So, I haven't done anything because I keep
overthinking things and getting stuck in my mind. Ugh. 
Anyway. It's 2024 now. Hope the new year has been treating you well. Apparently 2024 is a leap year, so that's cool I guess. My friend showed me a video (it might have been a
tik tok?) where someone was saying that they better be leaping for joy this year, or else they'll be leaping into traffic, which made me laugh. That's kind of how I'm feeling
currently. 2023 was not a good year for me. A lot of bad things happened and overall, it was at best a stagnant year and at worst a regressive year for me.
I feel like I did nothing of note and struggled a lot. I've actually been feeling slightly resentful lately. My 30s are drawing ever closer, and I feel like my 20s are kind of a wash
due to covid/personal issues. It's not that I'm afraid of getting older, but rather the realization that a lot of time has passed. The amount of time I have left to live is getting shorter
by the day. It feels like a significant portion of my 20s were 'wasted'. I don't believe in the stereotype that your 20s are the best decade of your life, but the realization
that they're drawing to a close makes me feel melancholic. I just feel like I missed out due to the pandemic and its aftereffects. I'm trying not to be bitter about this, but it
has been on my mind as I'm reflecting on the past few years. Of course, every generation has had its issues. For instance, millenials dealt with 9/11 and the recession. It's not like they've
had it easy either. Still, I feel a little bitter, and I'm letting myself feel this way. I dislike toxic positivity. I think it's healthy to allow yourself to feel your emotions, as
long as you don't wallow in them. And I suppose as an older zoomer, it could be worse. I may have graduated into a shit economy and global pandemic, but at least I had a normal time
in terms of growing up. I feel for younger zoomers/gen alpha. The pandemic has fucked their social/mental development, and the ubiquitousness of social media has made it worse.
I went into 2023 with a bunch of goals, and I accomplished basically none of them lol. So this year, I'm ditching goals and instead having 
~ intentions ~ . My primary intention is to stop
self-sabotaging. I want to stop overthinking things and go outside my comfort zone. I want to let myself enjoy things. I also want to be braver. I have a very unfortunate tendency towards
avoidance when it comes to anything that stresses me out or makes me uncomfortable, and this has caused me issues irl. It's really hard to get over this tendency, since I feel like it's
been so ingrained in my core personality over the years. It's like trying to reroute a river by placing stones, one by one. But I'm trying to actually use various therapeutic methods to
overcome this. It's just hard and very, very uncomfortable. But that's bravery, isn't it? Doing something even though you're afraid. Picrel is the mindset I want to have in 2024. I don't
really foresee things getting easier (and considering it's an election year, there's a chance they could get a lot worse), but that's life. You just have to roll with the punches
and do your best, and maybe along the way, you'll find opportunities to claw your way to a better life.
Anyway. In December, I got into watching planner content on Youtube again. I used to watch a lot back in 2022, but fell out of love due to the hyperconsumeristic nature of plannertube and
stationarytube. But, I decided I wanted to be more creative/involved with my Hobonichi Cousin in 2024, so I started to watch 2023 flip-throughs for inspo. I'm glad I did because I've
been feeling really fired up about trying new things in my Hobonichi. 
I've been enjoying decorating the pages and trying my hand at lettering. Of course, I'm absolutely awful at
it (my regular handwriting is shit also), but I'm having fun! 
I have a stash of stickers, washi tape, and other stationary items that I've been using. I didn't really use many deco items before
because... I dunno why. Probably the same reason why I never use rare items like mega elixirs in JRPGs. I'm afraid of using them/running out. Which is silly. The whole point is to use them, no?
Anyway, for Christmas, I decided to order some more stickers to prepare for the new year. They're really cute, and I've seen similar styles floating around Neocities/the
internet in general. (I think they might be by the same artist/company?) I've decided to post them and share them on my site, but I've run into a few issues. 1) My scanner/printer broke, so 2) I
had to take pictures of them individually with my very old and very bad phone camera, and 3) have to do a lot of editing in PS/CSP to clean them up. It's an incredibly tedious process and there are a ton of
stickers. This is going to take forever. Because of this, I've decided that I will never ever do this again lmao. 
But I am committed to posting these stickers eventually. Here's a sneak peek!
I wasn't sure how to organize them so I decided to do it by color. The thing is, a lot of the sticker sheets are multicolored, so they could be classified under various colors, so the organization
isn't the strictest. I plan on editing and posting the red stickers and then moving on to the other groups (blue, pink, orange, purple, and green/other). But don't expect to see them anytime soon.
I plan on posting them as transparent pngs. The black background is just for my sake while editing them. Since I took pictures of them using my old phone, they aren't of the highest quality.
There are some visual artifacts/discoloration but I don't really care. If that bothers people, they can fix it themselves lol. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In unrelated news, I managed to hit my goal of reading 50 books last year! Woohoo! 
I was reading up to the very end lol. I finished my last book around 6 or 7pm on Dec 31st. I've posted my yearly
stats on my books page. This year, I'm being a lot more chill with my goals. Ideally, I'd like to hit 50 books again, but since I'm
predicting this year to be really busy, I've decided to cut myself some slack. Here are my goals for 2024:
- read at least 25 books
- maintain 50%+ books by female authors
- read at least 3 translated works
- read at least 3 classics
- continue First Law series
- focus on reading books currently interested in
September 9th, 2023
The Overdue, Overly Long Summer Update
Summer is drawing to an end, although the weather hasn't gotten the memo. It's still hotter than the devil's taint over here. We've been getting some pretty gnarly
thunderstorms, so that's cool, I guess. There was this one lightning storm a while back. Made the night sky look like a rave lmao, with the constant flashing of
lightning every other second. Been procrastinating on writing this entry because.... I didn't really feel like it. Was planning on posting it in July with reviews
for Barbie and Oppenheimer but I was lazy. Then, in August, life hit me like a truck. That seems to be the recurring theme for this summer.
If life could chill for a bit, that would be fan-fucking-tastic. Not sure how to format this entry, so I guess I'll just go in
chronological order?
June was my birthday month. Drawing ever closer to the big 3-0, but to my pleasant surprise, I'm not stressed about it. I'm pretty apathetic towards my age overall. I
guess it's easy to not care when you're still young, still in your mid-20s. But I'd like to maintain this zen sort of mindset as I grow older. My mother is quite
sensitive about her age. She's very particular about dyeing her gray hair, applying makeup ("putting on her face", as she puts it), and dressing in a way to look
'younger'. She hates taking pictures because of her wrinkles. It's really sad. I'd never say this to her face, but when it comes to aging, I don't want to be like her.
I want to age gracefully, wrinkles, gray hair, and all. Crow's feet and nasolabial folds come from a lifetime of smiling and laughing, and I'd like to live a joyful life.
Also personally, I'm excited to become invisible as an older woman. Going out and feeling the weight of other people's stares makes my skin crawl. This sounds silly, but
I'm hoping to look like Gandalf when I'm old, with a glorious mane of white hair.
I'm technically a zoomer I guess (or maybe a zillennial?), but I find the general zoomer perspective on aging to be pretty pathetic. They seem to think you automatically become
decrepit once you hit 25. Unfortunately, I can confirm that you don't become a zombie once you hit your mid-20s. Alas! Their perspective on aging is just very... unhealthy.
Age comes for everyone. Even if you never go out in the sun, you'll still get wrinkles. You might look like a ghost, but you'll still age. It happens. They seem to think
that if they get Botox and fillers, they'll look forever young, but that clearly is not true. Just look at your average celebrity. They all look puffy and botched. It's better
to look old than like a bloated plastic monstrosity, methinks.
Anyway, my birthday was nice! It was pretty chill. I had lunch with my mom. I took her to a ramen restaurant and it was her first time trying actual ramen. She liked it!
She got the tantanmen and I got the classic tonkotsu. She ended up liking mine better, but I thought the tantanmen was also good. It was spicy but also mild with a slight nuttiness.
Then I hung out with friends and stayed out late. We went to a barcade and after messing around with the arcade machines, we drunkenly played Super Smash Bros. Melee on one of the CRT TVs there. I am a button-mashing
fiend when it comes to that game! Overall, a super relaxed day, which is what I prefer. Birthdays packed with activities just stress me out lol.
Then, July rolled around. I went on a trip to the coast with friends. The weather was mostly cloudy but it didn't rain while we were there. I had a lot of fun exploring the coastline
but significantly less fun getting carsick on the winding roads leading to the coast. Why do they have to twist and turn so much? Blegh. Near the end of July, I saw Barbie
and Oppenheimer. Bit unusual for me because I rarely ever watch movies. I think the last movie I saw in theaters was Dune, whenever that came out. But I guess the
internet memes got to me. I didn't actually do the double-feature Barbenheimer or Oppenbarbie or whatever. I saw them on separate days. I would simply die if I had to sit in the
theater for that long.
Since it's been over a month, my memory isn't super clear, so my review probably won't be that good, but I liked both movies overall. I saw Barbie first
and naturally wore pink. I'd say the actual experience of sitting in a packed theater of women and girls in a sea of pink was about as good, if not better, than the
movie. Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling were great! I had some reservations about Gosling, but he did a fantastic job as Ken. Really loved Ken's horse girl energy lol. Kate McKinnon was
also great. I've had a crush on her for years so it's a delight whenever I watch something with her. You could tell
that everyone was having so much fun with this movie. I absolutely adored the Barbieland set and the outfits were so fun! Plotwise, the movie was a bit of a mess. The storylines could
have definitely been tighter. The movie is supposed to be satirical, but the commentary was way too on the nose for my taste. Very corporate girlboss feminism. Still, I suppose it's nice for such an openly feminist
movie to be so successful. (Even if it is just a gigantic ad for Mattel.) I liked the scenes between Barbie and Ruth, as well as that one random old lady Barbie calls beautiful. We need
more old ladies in media! I also liked that Barbie didn't get together with Ken. The movie ending with Barbie going to the gynecologist was pretty funny.
As for Oppenheimer, I remember it a bit less. I felt like the movie was too long. Its three (3!!!) hour length felt very gratuitous, which is apparently an unpopular opinion.
The pacing in the movie was a bit strange. Too fast paced for my taste. It felt like I was just watching an extended trailer because of how fast everything was. The audio mixing was
surprisingly decent for a Christopher Nolan movie. Could be better, but I guess you can't expect too much from Nolan. The sex scenes were very awkward. I literally choked
when the famous "I am become death" line was said during one. The dialogue was a little awkward but the actors did a great job delivering it. Their performances in
general were really good. I still can't get over how weird Cillian Murphy looks, though. 
Why is he so gaunt? Why does his face look like that?? I'm happy for the Cillian girlies but that man looks like a corpse. He's giving 'escaped from the morgue'. Anyway, I liked the
movie overall, but I do feel like it's slightly overrated. Side note: I was very amused by all of the pink in the audience. Not sure if people were actually doing the double-feature,
or if they wore pink to make it seem like they did.
August arrived with bad news. My paternal grandfather passed away after dealing with dementia for years. His health had severely declined in the past two years, so his passing wasn't
entirely unexpected. Still, it was sad. But he's in a better place. Living with late-stage dementia isn't really living at all. His funeral service was held in mid-August. So many
people turned out for it. Obviously, there was our family, but a ton of old friends and distant relatives showed up also. He lived in a small town and many people knew him. It was
really nice to see how many people arrived to pay their respects. Even my dad was surprised by the turnout. I teared up throughout the service, but when his urn was
passed between my aunt and uncles to my dad to be lowered into the grave, next to my grandmother's plot, I was practically bawling. In the gathering after the service, I was still
all teary-eyed. I don't cry often, but once I start, it's really hard for me to stop. I was also on my period, so being hormonal also didn't help. It was nice seeing all of
my family members at the gathering. I hadn't seen them since before the pandemic. I wish it was under better circumstances, but catching up with everyone was really
nice. It felt a little strange to see how everyone has gotten on in life these past few years. I got to see my youngest cousin and my cousin's kid. They're both around the same
age. When I last saw them, they were babies but now they're starting kindergarten. They're soooo cute! 
In late August, I went on a camping trip with some others. The weather was god awful. We reserved the site weeks in advance, so we didn't know that it would be basically storming
the entire time we were there lol. There was a cancellation fee, so we just decided to go and tough it out. Huge thunderstorms rolled through the area the entire time we were
camping. (Naturally, the weather cleared up as we were leaving lmao.) We set up our tent and a screen house tent around the table, and spent most of our time either sheltering under those
or in the car. We had to dig trenches around the campsite to drain the water pooling in puddles. It was super windy and rained so hard that it looked like someone was blasting you with a
garden hose. I've never seen anything like it. Sure it storms occasionally, but I've never seen it rain this hard in this area. The rain reminded me of the tropical storms I'd see when I
lived back east. It was also extra windy because our campsite was right by a lake.
We're super lucky we brought that screen house. I'm not sure how we'd have cooked our meals otherwise.
It was (mostly) waterproof. We had to pin a tarp on the roof and push the tent back up countless times when the wind would cause it to collapse. But aside from that, it was great.
During the hours between storms, we explored the lakeshore. It was too cold to swim, but we had fun walking on the beach, listening to the waves, the trees, and the
distant rumbling of thunder. One night was especially memorable. It wasn't raining (for once). We sat in our tent with the screen door opened to look out across the lake. In the distance, there
was a thunderstorm heading south. Watching the dark clouds light up in an eerie lilac due to the lightning was really cool. Wish I had a picture of it. Ah well. Aaaaand that was basically
my summer. Fall is approaching. I wish I was one of those people who practically fetishizes autumn, but all I feel is a slight dread. I don't like pumpkin spice, and
I don't like seasonal depression. At least the leaves will look pretty, I guess. And I suppose the holidays are nice. But, I already miss the long summer days.
June 6th, 2023
Life Happens, Also I Was on Vacation
Well. It's certainly been a while, hasn't it? Haven't updated this site in a bit, and haven't written a new journal entry since February. Oops.
Feels
pretty strange knowing that we're approaching the halfway mark of the year. During the first part of the year, I always end up in a slump of sorts. Springtime
blues and whatnot. From about March to May, my average mood slides and I feel pretty listless. Everything is either too boring, too much, or I don't care enough.
The excitement from the new year wears off and the days blur together in a dreary haze. The gloomy spring weather certainly doesn't help either. I like rain in
theory. But whenever it's dark and cloudy, I always end up feeling down. I guess it's a form of seasonal depression. The funny thing is that I also
get seasonal depression during fall/winter, so I guess I'm screwed either way. That's probably why summer is my favorite season, despite the oppressive heat and
wildfire smoke. I love the long days and sunny weather. The closest I come to feeling truly at peace is during lazy summer evenings, when the air is warm and smells like
summer and the sky is a brilliant array of pinks, reds, oranges, purples, and blues as the sun slowly sinks below the horizon. 
Anyway. I've been very busy, both with work and personal stuff. They say that bad things come in threes and, at least for these past months, I can certainly confirm
that. The worst was probably that my grandmother was recently placed in hospice care. It's not entirely unexpected. Her health has been steadily worsening but still,
it was a bit of a blow. Dealing with that and other things has been A Lot. The days really keep on coming, huh?
It doesn't help either that I've had really bad insomnia
these past few months. I've always had insomnia ever since I was a child but it normally wasn't that bad. About once or twice a year, I wouldn't be able to sleep for a
couple days to a week and then it would pass. But ever since the pandemic, my insomnia has been slowly getting worse. I consider five hours of sleep to be a good night's
rest at this point. There have been stretches of weeks where I could barely sleep. During the worst parts, my head would hurt and it felt like there were fish hooks
embedded in my brain. I couldn't think and I couldn't sleep. I just existed in a very sleep-deprived daze. I'm lucky that I work from home because driving in that state
would be a hazard. I've tried to improve my sleep hygiene but I'm not sure how much it helps. I just cannot fall asleep, no matter how many breathing exercises I do, or
how relaxed I am, or whatever. It seems like the only way I can fall asleep is to forget that I have insomnia, but it's kind of hard to forget in the moment when you're
laying in bed, utterly exhausted, 
and hyper-aware of the hours passing but you're still awake and morning is coming. I just want to sleep, man. Thankfully, my insomnia has not been as bad recently. Although,
I still don't get a lot of sleep. I keep waking up early because of how bright the mornings are as summer approaches. I'm not complaining though. I'll happily take early
mornings over insomnia. I think the lack of sleep was also a major factor to my poor mood during March - May. Lack of sleep is a well known contributor to poor mental
health. In fact, when I first saw a psychiatrist for depression/anxiety a few years back, my sleep was the first thing I was asked about.
Now, for an abrupt change in topic, I recently went on vacation! This is the first vacation I've took since before the pandemic and
the second time I've left the country. I visited Mexico for the first time and had an absolute blast! I went to Puerto Vallarta, in Jalisco. Puerto Vallarta is a beach
resort city and very touristy. I didn't have a strict itinerary. I wanted to have a more chill vacation to try to relax. Usually I try to pack in as many activities and
sight-seeing as possible but then I end up stressing out instead of enjoying myself lol. I spent a lot of time swimming and lounging on the beach before doing various restaurant and pub
crawls. I even went ziplining, which was definitely outside of my comfort zone. I'm not too fond of heights lol. All in all, it was a fantastic vacation and something that
helped to break me out of my funk. Although, I did struggle to adjust upon coming back. I had a hard time concentrating on work the first few days.
In terms of my hobbies, I haven't really been doing much. I haven't felt like it. I haven't really done any art. I read a few books and tried to read others but ended up
DNFing them because I wasn't in the mood. I'll try to give them another shot later. I'm trying to get back into reading though. I'd like to find more Neocities sites that
post about books but I'm also extremely lazy when it comes to finding new sites to follow. Speaking of Neocities, I haven't checked it at all since I last updated this site.
So, if you see me interacting with old updates, that's why. 
I'm posting a few book reviews alongside this journal update. I still need to review "The Murder of Roger Ackroyd"
but I want to listen to this lecture first. It was recommended to me by
one of the members of a book club I'm in. I'm not sure if it has information pertaining specifically to "Roger Ackroyd" but I still want to give it a listen. I'm planning on
posting a gamelog update for April/May/June soonish. I want to make a separate page for "Stardew Valley" also. I'm not sure if it counts as one of my all time favorite games, but
I've played enough that I feel like it deserves its own page. I'd like to redo my about page at some point and I also need to revise my home page. It still mentions that pages might be
missing but at this point, I have everything up. I'm just not sure what to say. I don't know how to describe this site. I'll figure out something... eventually. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Oh, I also
need to update this journal page. I've been meaning to separate the journal entries by years. So, 2023 and then 2022. Anyway, that's it for now. Later! 
February 4th, 2023
Figured Out Youtube ReVanced and Dragalia Lost Is No Longer Lost
Spent a better part of today trying to figure out how to install Youtube ReVanced lol. It took a while and numerous tries, but I finally got it to work.
Hurray! 
For those who don't know, ReVanced lets you create a patched
version of the Youtube mobile app that blocks ads and allows you to customize various functions and the app layout. It was created as a replacement for
the popular Youtube Vanced, after that app was shut down by Google. ReVanced has patches available for other apps, such as Twitter, but I haven't checked
those out/am not interested. ReVanced is available on Android devices and doesn't require a rooted device.
I heard about ReVanced a while ago and have been meaning to look into it but kept forgetting. Recently, Google forced an update that broke the older version of Youtube I was
using. Annoyed, I decided to get rid of the vanilla Youtube app and install ReVanced instead. I found a handy-dandy guide on Reddit, that provides step-by-step
instructions and followed that. The guide can be found here: [[GUIDE]]
The guide was easy to follow. However, I did have some trouble while I was attempting to patch the Youtube APK using the ReVanced Manager. Some of the
patches caused the manager to not work, so I had to try several times by deselecting a few options every time until it worked. Not sure which patch caused the
hang-up but here's a list of patches that worked for me:
Patches I installed (although I ended up not using all of them)
In the app settings, you can toggle each patch on/off. Since ReVanced is still in development, some hiccups are to be expected. So far, I find
the app to be pretty stable. It works perfectly on my phone, but I did have issues with the app crashing on my tablet every time I selected the library tab.
I looked this up online and apparently this is an issue for Samsung tablets on the latest recommended version of Youtube ReVanced (18.03.36). I ended up
downgrading to 17.49.38 and it now works fine. Being able to watch on mobile without ads is so nice. Also, being able to close the app but still have the video
play in the background is great. I still can't believe Youtube removed that from the free version of the app. 
Recently, I discovered that a private server was set up for Dragalia Lost. I haven't checked it out yet but I was super pumped to learn it existed. More
information about the server can be found here. I was pretty bummed when Dragalia Lost was shut down. For a mobile
game, the gameplay was quite good (imo) and I really loved the music. I found that once the game was gone, I regretted not going back to play certain fights one
last time. So, having a chance to replay the game is super exciting. So far, it seems like only single-player quests work, which is fine with me. Co-op
was great, but clearing quests alone was a lot easier and less stressful lol.
A while ago, I got into the closed alpha for Anytype. Anytype is a note-taking/productivity app similar to
Notion. I've used Notion for a while now but have been searching for a replacement because Notion's security isn't the greatest and also I want my information to be stored
offline. For several months, I've been tinkering around with Obsidian. Obsidian is great, but it lacks some of the functionality I liked
about Notion, so I've been using the two in tandem. I was hoping that Anytype would solve the issues I have with both Notion and Obsidian. Despite getting into the
alpha months ago, I haven't had the time to really check out Anytype until now and it's... a little strange. I'll need more time to play around but so far, I find
it to be a little confusing and unintuitive. I'm hoping that once I get used to it, I'll like it.
January 22nd, 2023
Went on a Sleigh Ride
Well, it's been a while! Haven't really had much to talk about. I'd say this month has been busy, but I'm pretty sure I've said that for every month
so far since I started this journal. I'm sensing a trend here.
Anyway, recently I went on a sleigh ride with my mother. She joined this activity group and they set up the whole thing. She didn't want to go alone
so she invited me along. I was the youngest person there by at least two decades lol. The whole experience was really fun! We left early in the morning and
had to drive for almost two hours to reach the place. When we left, it was snowing. Thankfully, the roads weren't too bad. Driving through the mountains
while it snowed was a lovely experience. I generally don't go up to the mountains in the winter, so seeing all of the snow-covered trees was neat. I
always forget how tall the trees can get. Some of the older trees were probably nearing 200 ft tall (that's around ~61 m for you metric system enjoyers).
When we arrived there, the snow had mostly stopped. There were group introductions and we waited for everyone to arrive. Then, we all loaded into the
sleighs. The sleighs were a lot larger than I expected and could fit around 10 people. Each sleigh had a large box of alfalfa in it. As we set off, the
driver explained that a herd of wild elk comes down in the winter to rest on the property. The alfalfa was for them.
The sleigh ride was really fun. I sat at the very end, so it was more bumpy for me. Riding in a horse-drawn sleigh through a snowy landscape
was super peaceful. It was nice to sit back and taking things slow for a bit. At around the halfway point of the ride, we saw the herd of elk. It was
predominantly female elk (cows) but I saw one young male (bull). He had two little stumps for antlers. I wonder if one of the cows was his mother. Our
driver explained that cows usually come down the mountain in the winter, while bulls generally stayed at higher elevations. The large herd watched us
quietly as we approached. As we looped around them, they started to trot towards us. We were told to stay in the sleigh, but we could feed the alfalfa
to them. Although skittish initially, the elk grew more bold once we tossed some alfalfa on the ground. Some of the braver ones came right up to the sides
and poked their noses at us. Not quite sure how I feel about feeding wild animals, but the experience of being up close to a bunch of elk was something. Their
giant ears were so cute! Our driver explained that the alfalfa was only a treat for them. Occasionally feeding them didn't
disrupt their natural foraging habits and, unless you approached in a horse-drawn sleigh, they were still afraid of people. Here's a picture of a juvenile
elk that kept coming up to the sleigh when the larger cows walked away. After we fed them all of the
alfalfa, we pulled away and the herd watched us leave. The ride back felt a lot shorter and before we knew it, the sleighs were pulling to a halt. Inside,
we drank coffee and hot chocolate, and had some homemade chocolate chip cookies. Most of the rest of the group was then heading further up for activities at
a winter resort, but my mother didn't feel like going. So instead, we headed back down.
Once we arrived back in town, we stopped at this Vietnamese restaurant that I wanted to try. I heard good things about their pho, so we ordered that. It
was great weather for pho. The pho was fantastic and warmed us up. I'd love to eat there again! Too bad it's so far away from where I live.
December 31st, 2022
2022 Retrospective and Goals for 2023
It's been pretty quiet since Christmas. This last week is my favorite week of the year, where nothing feels real or like it matters. It's like a
liminal space of sorts. You just kind of exist in a haze until the new year rolls in. Christmas was good this year. I always get inordinately
stressed about Christmas, so I'm kind of glad it's over. Everyone liked my gifts and I got primarily gift cards in return, which works with me.
I didn't really have anything I specifically wanted. Christmas for my family is a pretty chill affair. We had our big holiday meal on Christmas
Eve, so I ate a lot of leftovers in the days after. On Christmas Day, we exchanged gifts and relaxed. 
My brother got me a gift card to Barnes & Noble, so I went during their two day sale after Christmas, when all hardcovers were 50% off. That was a
mistake lmao. I didn't even end up getting any hardcover books. I got the last two books in The First
Law trilogy by Joe Abercrombie in paperback. The checkout line stretched all the way around the store, cut through the toy section, and
ended past the restrooms. It took like 30 or 40 minutes to reach the front. While I was waiting, I kept thinking that there really was no reason
why I was in line. The books I got weren't on sale. I could have put them back and come a different day. But I didn't. Sunk-cost fallacy I
guess lol.
Recently got my new Hobonichi Cousin for 2023. I bought it from Amazon using a gift card. Last year, I ordered from JetPens. I was hoping that
it would be cheaper from Amazon but the cost was around the same at ~$60 (yeesh). I even checked to see if it would be cheaper to order
from Amazon Japan but nope. Hobonichi products are priced fairly reasonably in Japan but they get super costly elsewhere since they need to be
imported. $60 for a planner/journal is pretty excessive, but I don't really spend a lot otherwise so I'm letting myself splurge.
I don't get any of the extras and I use a simple clear Midori A5 cover to protect it, so that's how I justify the cost lmao. Stationery is pretty
much the only thing I allow myself to consoom.
I got the new English edition to try out. 2022 was my first year trying out the Hobonichi Cousin and I really liked it. I managed to fill
out all of the daily pages, which I'm pretty proud of. I was debating between getting the Japanese edition again or the English one. I don't
understand Japanese but I'm used to the formatting in the Japanese one. I want to one day learn Japanese, so I was thinking that I could read
the text on the daily pages for practice. But I went with the English edition for 2023. I mean, let's be real. I probably
won't be learning Japanese anytime soon and if I did, I could just flip through my old Hobonichi for practice. Apparently they'll be switching
to a new type of paper for the 2024 edition. It will still be Tomoe River paper but a new version. They sent a small sample to test your
pens on. I don't really use anything too special so all of my supplies worked fine. I just don't really like the way the new paper feels. It feels
'drier' if that makes sense. Whatever, I'm sure I'll get used to it once 2024 starts.
Anyway, since it's the end of the year, I thought I should do some reflection. 2022 was overall, a pretty okay year for me. I accomplished some
things that I was afraid to do, but needed to do for a long time. However, I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I'd like but that's okay. I
had hoped that more things would have changed in my life but it didn't work out that way. Still, I'm glad that I was able to accomplish the
things that I did. (Sorry for writing in such vague terms but I don't really like talking about personal
things on the Internet. Remember kids, the Internet is forever so stop oversharing!) I was able to reconnect with some old friends, which was
nice. I started this Neocities site, which is a pretty big step for me, since I've largely been allergic to any and all forms of social media
these past few years. I played some fun video games and managed to read 50 books this year, which was a pretty major accomplishment for me. I
don't think I've read that much since middle school or maybe early high school. I fell out of reading due to being busy with school and life,
so falling back in love with it has been such a nice experience. I've (mostly) enjoyed the books I've read and I'm excited for all of the new
stories I'll experience in 2023!
some very self-indulgent reading stats only I care about + completed reading goals
I also got back into drawing this year. Like reading, it's a hobby that I stopped doing for over half of a
decade now (yikes!). I'm super rusty, so drawing was a bit of a struggle for me. I got frustrated really easily and often. It felt like I
struggled to draw the simplest of things, and everything I did draw didn't turn out the way I imagined.
I tried to get back to the basics by studying construction, but I feel like that kind of killed the enjoyment of drawing for me so I took a
break. I'm still making my way through Figure Drawing: Design and Invention by Michael Hampton but it's going very slowly. I think what
I want to focus on now is doing studies and applying what I learn to my own art. I think that's the best way to improve. It's just that I get
a little discouraged while doing studies. My art is nowhere near where I want it to be so I get pretty frustrated, especially when I'm analyzing
art that I really admire during a study. I think I just need to remember to be chill about things. After all, I'm very out of practice. Even
though I didn't really draw for quite a few years, I feel like my 'eye' for art still improved so that's why I'm so critical about my own art.
I'm at that awkward stage where your art skills haven't leveled up with your skills for evaluating art. It sucks, but the only way to get
better is to draw some more. I was hoping to post some art to my Neocities site this year but aside from that one doodle on the Splatoon page,
I haven't. Part of the issue is that I'm hyper-critical of my art. The other part is that I'm still not comfortable drawing digitally. Before
I took a break from drawing, I drew digitally but never got used to it. After my break, I'm still not used to it. I don't understand artists who
are all like "oh, making digital art will feel natural eventually". I even got a display drawing tablet (I believe it's an XP-Pen Artist 15.6)
to replace my rinky-dink Wacom Bamboo tablet. The display screen helps but it still feels awkward. I could post some traditional art, but pretty
much all of my recent traditional artworks are pencil sketches in a cheap, shitty sketchbook I got years ago. (The paper quality is awful.) They're
pretty rough and again, I'm super critical of them even though they're just sketches. Aaaaughrhghhg!!!
I think I just need to get over myself. I also need to stop falling back to my comfort zone of drawing portraits facing left lol.
I played some fun video games this year. My favorite is definitely Elden Ring, although I've spent a lot of time playing Splatoon 3
also.
My biggest surprise was probably Pokemon Legends: Arceus. Despite it being very ugly, it's surprisingly fun to play. I had more fun
exploring in Legends: Arceus than I did in Breath of the Wild. I bought Minecraft this year. I think the last time I
played it was in early high school? Or maybe late middle school. I can't remember if I played the beta version of Minecraft or an early
version of the full Java release. All I know was that Notch was still involved and it was a very old edition. They've added a ton of new things
since then. I didn't remember much so playing it again was like experiencing it for the first time. Unfortunately, just like the first time I
played Minecraft, I got bored of it lol. I got to the Nether and messed around a bit before eventually stopping. I'm sure I'll play it
again in the future but I don't really have an interest in building elaborate structures and I was getting a little bored of exploring. I
imagine it's a lot more fun to play with friends. Even though I got bored of it, I still really enjoyed my time with the game.
For 2023, my primary goal is to find a new job. I mentioned this before but haven't really been serious about job-hunting since I'm still working
and because it's the end of the year and no one is really hiring until January. The thing is that I absolutely hate searching for a job. It's
so nerve-wracking. Regular job interviews are bad but technical interviews are excruciating. I need to brush up on my technical interviewing skills.
A lot of the questions they ask aren't even all that relevant to the job. I know why they ask these questions, but they're still annoying.
If possible, I'd like to find a fully remote job. It'd be way more convenient. Also I hate driving. Traffic here seems to get worse every year
and a lot of drivers are brain dead. I think it's interesting that a lot of people are more scared of being in a plane crash or attacked by sharks than
being in a car crash. Statistically speaking, being in a car is probably the most dangerous part of your day. Also, you're more likely to be
attacked by Ezra Miller while vacationing in Hawaii than by a shark. Anyway, I have some other personal life goals but I won't share them because
privacy reasons.
Now for some fun goals! My reading goals for 2023 are:
- Read at least 50 books
- Maintain 50%+ books by female authors
- Read at least 5 translated works
- Read at least 5 classics
- Start Discworld- read at least 4 books
- Read The Liveship Traders trilogy
I don't track manga the same way I track books. But, there are some manga series I'd like to get to. With the exception of a few series, I've kind of fallen out of reading manga and it's something I'd like to get back into. I want to reread Monster and Fruits Basket. I want to continue The Ancient Magus' Bride and Natsume's Book of Friends, as well as start Yona of the Dawn, A Man and His Cat, Vagabond, and The Girl from the Other Side. There are other series I'm interested in, but these are the only ones I can think of right now.
As for my Neocities site, my biggest goal is to keep maintaining it throughout 2023. I want to get my art page up and actually post some art, as well as get the Neocities buttons page up. I also want to change the main site layout. The Foollovers template was really helpful when I first made this site, since I knew absolutely nothing about html or css. I mean, I still don't know a ton but I know enough now to change it. I just don't know what I want to change it to. I'll need to come up with a design. I'll also need to figure out what to put on my index page. Right now, it's pretty plain. But yeah, those are my goals!
I don't believe in horoscopes but apparently, 2023 is supposed to be a lucky year for my Chinese Zodiac sign. And you know what? I'll take it.
I need some good vibes for 2023. I predict that it will be a pretty stressful year for me, but hopefully also
very rewarding. It'll definitely be a year of change and I'm determined to make it a good year. I'll be visiting my mother for New Years. In our
household, it's traditional to eat tteok mandu guk on New Years Day. Tteok mandu guk is a Korean soup containing rice cakes, dumplings, and usually beef,
and is topped with green onions, eggs, roasted seaweed, and a drizzle of sesame oil. My mom makes everything homemade and the soup usually takes
a few days of prep to make. She usually makes it with a bone broth she simmers for about two days. The dumplings are a blend of homemade kimchi, ground pork, tofu,
potato starch noodles, and whatever finely chopped veggies she snuck in to make it more healthy lol. It'll look something like this picture, although
usually my mom omits the beef chunks. It's super tasty and one of my favorite Korean dishes! I'm super excited to eat it! Anyway here's to 2023!
Happy New Year!
December 16th, 2022
Catching Up, Emotional Immaturity, and Honk Honk
It's been about half of a month since my last entry. Oops! Where has all of the time gone? It's been a
very busy month for me, but December always is. I managed to catch The Game Awards earlier this month. I always feel like this event is a
bit corny but there were some exciting announcements! The one I'm most excited about is the announcement for Hades II! I really enjoyed the
first game so a sequel is a welcome suprise. Hecate's design is super cool and Nemesis looks really hot lol. 
I hope she's a romance option. Elden Ring won Game of the Year, as it should. Some kid pranked The Game Awards by going on
stage and saying something about Bill Clinton before getting arrested. Still not sure what that was about, but the memes made about him were
pretty funny. Shame that he took away from Miyazaki's moment though.
The first Big Run happened in Splatoon 3. Unfortunately, right before the event happened, I deranked to Profreshional+3 and wasn't
able to crawl out of Profreshional hell and back to Eggsecutive VP until after the event ended. I ended up deranking all the way down to Pro+1
before making it back to Pro+3 at the end. I got some really annoying teammates. They were very fond of going
to the shoreline and getting killed immediately. What was really obnoxious were the ones constantly spamming 'This Way!' and then getting mad when
no one followed them to the shoreline. The smart thing to do is to stay near the basket and let the enemies come to you, not go to their spawn where
you can easily be overwhelmed. The only reason why you might want to go to the shoreline is if there is a Stinger, Flyfish, or Big Shot. Even then,
you should be careful. Didn't rank nearly as high as I wanted, but ah well. There will be more Big Runs in the future. I already like Wahoo World
normally, but it was really fun to play on it as a Salmon Run stage. I was hoping that they would release a new King Salmonid boss for the event, but
sadly they didn't. Maybe next season we'll get a new boss? I was able to play with a friend at the very end. She's a complete beginner when it comes
to Salmon Run, so I had fun helping in the lower ranks. Compared to Eggsecutive VP or even Profreshional, the waves were super chill. The teammates
were the most stressful aspect but I couldn't really get mad since they're all beginners.
Lately, it snowed a lot here. It's pretty unusual since our winters are normally fairly dry but I'm not complaining. I used to hate snow but
now one of my favorite things is to go out for a walk while it's snowing. The world is so quiet then, and it looks really beautiful with all of
the snowflakes falling from the sky. 
The ice is a pain though.
Recently, the date for our book club meeting got pushed back... again. We were originally supposed to read Ordinary Monsters, but then
the book was changed to Babel. Our original meeting date was in September, but every month since then, it's been pushed back by a
month. I think at this point, we've all had a turn at asking for it to be delayed because of life reasons
lmao. This book choice is cursed. Hopefully, this will be the final delay. We were going to meet at
the end of December, but now our meeting is set for mid-late January. If something comes up again, I think we might just need to throw in the
towel, meet anyway, and then choose a different book. I'm almost halfway through Babel and it's pretty meh. If I wasn't reading this
for book club, I would have DNF'd it like 50 pages in. It's really not my thing. I agreed to change our book from Ordinary Monsters to
Babel because I wanted to check it out. It was getting a lot of hype and even though I had a feeling I wouldn't like it, I still wanted
to give it a try. The only way to expand your reading horizons is by taking risks and trying out books you normally wouldn't read, after all.
Alas, it seems like dark academia is not my thing. My copy from the library is due soon, so I'm just going to return it and check it back out
in January. Hurray for procrastinating! I was planning on having Babel be one of the 10 books I read
by the end of the year to meet my reading goal but now I get to choose a different book. Hmmm what to pick...
Recently, I read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson. It's given me Much To Think About. But, one of the
things that caught my attention is the author's description of emotionally immature people, and their need for control. Some of the behaviors
described reminded me of the way some people act in online spaces. The author notes that emotionally immature people tend to "make assumptions
about other people, expecting everyone to want and value the same things they do. Their excessive self-focus manifests as a conviction that
they know what's 'good' for others." When confronted with actions or behaviors that don't conform to their expectations, they have a tendency to
freak out and will often seek to punish others. When emotionally immature people disintegrate, "they take [everyone else] with them into their
personal meltdown. It's no wonder that everyone [...] feels like they're walking on eggshells." Rather than accepting that other people have
unique interests and beliefs, they will instead push what they want to see. Instead of agreeing to disagree, they will do their utmost best to
force others to act according to their personal assumptions. This will result in them policing other people's behaviors, to the point that it feels
like "your goodness or badness lay not only in your behavior, but in your mind as well. In this way, you may have learned the absurd idea that
you can be a bad person for having certain thoughts and feelings. [...] A thought or feeling means nothing more than you're having a thought or feeling.
Regaining the freedom to simply let your thoughts and feelings come and go without condemnation is a profound relief. The fact is, having a
thought or feeling isn't initially under your control. You don't plan to think or feel things; you just do."
I found this observation about thoughts and feelings to be especially meaningful. Before I took a break from social media, it had gotten to a point
where I felt guilty if I thought the 'wrong' thing or felt the 'wrong' way. In some of the spaces I frequented, particularly the art and book spheres
on Twitter, things could get extremely toxic. I've seen countless people harrassed, mass reported, and sent death threats for the stupidest things. If you
said the wrong thing, or even worded a sentence the wrong way so that it could be misconstrued as being 'problematic', you were on the chopping block.
If you didn't fall in line with the mass cancellations or blocked the people that instigated them, you were viewed suspiciously and all attention would
fall upon you, as people picked apart your social media presence, looking for any problematic aspect to cancel you with. It got to the point where people
were purposefully misrepresenting the things other people said, taking an innocuous statement and stretching it so that it was racist or homophobic or
whatever, so that they could cancel them because they didn't like the other person, but needed a reason to be morally correct for not liking them. It
was absolutely ludicrous.
Now, I'm not advocating that it's okay to be a nazi or whatever. I think that people should be treated the way they want to be treated. Golden Rule and all
that. But being made to feel guilty because of a certain thought or feeling is ridiculous. And yet, I felt that way, and I'm sure many others felt that
way as well. Online spaces seem to be dominated by controlling, emotionally immature people. I try to be mindful that some of these people are minors,
so it makes sense for them to be immature. Because of their lack of life experiences, meeting people and encountering diverse perspectives, and a still
developing brain, they lack the capacity to act in a way that is entirely emotionally mature. The rest, however, I don't get. Seriously, what's
their problem? I think in some ways, with the way social media works, it encourages this volatile emotionally immature behavior. I've wondered in the past
if social media and the Internet in general has caused an increase in emotionally immature people. But, I don't think that's the case. The Internet helps
to shine a spotlight on toxic people, sure, but I don't think it's to blame for this behavior. There are plenty of older people that I've met that are
incredibly emotionally immature. In some ways, they are more childish and entitled than the average toddler. The author notes that emotionally immature
people are often raised by emotionally immature parents, so someone had to raise all of the assholes running around on the Internet. As someone that has
grown up in a... less than ideal household and had a turbulent childhood, I can empathize with people from difficult backgrounds. However, that is not an
excuse for toxic behavior. At some point, you have to take responsibility for the way you act. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head and
forcing you to be an asshole on the Internet, you have no one to blame but yourself. Anyway, people on the Internet need to chill out and touch grass.
Switching subjects, I have a confession to make. I may or may not have played
Pokemon Violet, which is funny considering my rant a few journal entries ago. Cue the clown music. In my defense, I didn't actually buy it. And
no, I didn't pirate it either. I borrowed it from the library. I'm lucky enough to live in an area where the library system not only loans out books, but
also video games, movies, music albums, and more. I'm super grateful for it! As for my thoughts about Violet,
well for one thing I haven't finished it yet. My copy was due and I had to return it. Last I checked, I'm hold #52 so I'll probably get it again in like...
February. Or maybe March. Anyway, I liked the gameplay of it. Exploring the open world was fun and I think that
Terastalizing is an interesting gimmick. Way better than Dynamaxing. I think that Tera Types will probably make PVP a lot more interesting and dynamic this
generation. While I don't like most of the new Pokemon designs, they look way better in-game and in motion. I also got used to the new character models and
I really like the amount of customization that is available. You can change things like your eyebrows, mouth shape, and eye shape, which is a first for
Pokemon. However, all of this customization only makes the fact that you're forced to wear uniforms all the more annoying. You can wear different hats, bags,
shoes, and accessories, but you can't change your clothes from the four options. Super irritating. NPC trainers still generally use 1-3 Pokemon, which
makes them very easy to beat, but this has been a problem for a while now and isn't unique to Violet. Like in Sword/Shield, the GTS isn't
present, which makes trading extremely annoying. Everyone on your team still gains experience and the experience share still isn't togglable. However,
my Pokemon were never overpowered because I had a rotation of like 20ish Pokemon I would swap for in my team. I actually experienced being underleveled
at times, which was a fun challenge. Violet is a waaaaay better game than Sword/Shield. So, if for some reason you're
deciding between Scarlet/Violet and Sword/Shield, pick the former. I think that if they combine the gameplay and exploration of this
game and that of Legends: Arceus, than the next Pokemon game will be really fun. Let's just hope it won't be as ugly.
That all being said, while my experience with Violet was more positive than I expected, everything about this game screams 'unfinished'. From the
rough environments and shoddy framerate, to the poor lighting and wonky camera, to the lack of interiors and interesting NPC dialogue, it all seems
very rushed. Similar to Sword/Shield, Violet has the weird problem where parts of the game are super detailed and other parts
are lackluster. There are a lot of small details in Violet, such as the different brands of clothes, which are a neat touch. However, other parts
seem to lack that same attention to detail. It's very easy to tell where they had to cut corners. For instance, there is a noticeable lack of interior areas
in Violet. Aside from your house, your rival's house, the school, gym lobbies, and one singular sandwich shop chain, you can't really go into any
of the buildings (at least where I'm at in the game). This is a shame because the interiors that do exist are quite nicely decorated and look good. The
fact that you can only go into one type of sandwich shop is bizarre, especially when other stores and restaurants exist. However, for these, when you 'go' into
the building, only a menu pops up that you can order from, rather than a physical interior for you to explore. Once you exit that menu, your character also
exits the building, which is pretty lame. Having the game rushed to be released, to the point that the developers had to cut most interiors, is really
unfortunate. Everything about the game lacks polish. It feels like as if the game needed at least another year of development. I truly hope that The
Pokemon Company and Game Freak get it together, but I doubt it. Money speaks and despite the game being unfinished and mixed critical reception, it has sold
extremely well. And despite my complaining about these things, I'm part of the problem lol. I still played the game, after all. I just didn't buy it.
I'm not sure if I'll be able to update again before Christmas. If not, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
November 30th, 2022
Too Many Books and Dragalia Lost Is Lost
Today's the last day of November, which means that we only have 31 days left of the year. Yowza! Today's also the final day of Nanowrimo and,
as expected, I didn't finish it. I did make it halfway though! I wrote a little over 25k words, so not too shabby. November was a
busy month for me, so I'm proud of what I did manage to accomplish!
Over the past 2 years, I've been getting back into reading after basically not reading at all during university and most of high school. One
of my goals for this year was to read 50 books. Currently, I've only read 40 books, which means that I will need to read 10 in December in order
to accomplish my goal. I'm... not sure how feasible that is. On average, I've read 3 books per month. I'm
currently in the middle of 6(!!) books to try to speed things up but it's been a struggle. It's very unusual for me to be reading so many things
at the same time. Normally I have at max 3 books ongoing (fiction, nonfiction, and an audiobook). Trying to juggle all 6 is a lot.
But I really want to complete my goal so I'll do my best!
Speaking of books, I really don't like my books page. It's kind of wonky and I feel like it isn't that readable. But I'm not sure
how to structure it otherwise. I like having what I'm currently reading to the side and my mini reviews in the main box. But I feel like the
reviews are a little hard to read because of how small the scroll box is. But I also want to keep things compact. Hmmmm... For my manga page,
I'm using the 'details' class to organize things. I like how all of the information is kept hidden but can be toggled. I'd like to do
something similar for my books page, but I don't think I'd be able to structure the page the way I'd like if I used the same thing. As far as I
can tell, you can only stack the 'details' boxes vertically. For my books page, I'd want to put several on the same line. I have a feeling that
I might have to use javascript to do what I want. Eugh. I'm too lazy for that. For now, my books page will have to do. I'll just be annoyed by
how ugly it is. 
Yesterday was the final day for a mobile game I played, called Dragalia Lost. Dragalia Lost was an action rpg developed by Cygames and published
by Nintendo. I first started playing Dragalia Lost a month after it released, during its Halloween event in 2018. At the time, I was still in
university and played in between classes. I don't really play a lot of mobile games but I liked Dragalia Lost. The game clearly had a lot of care
put into it, and the developers paid close attention to community feedback and were quite generous. Dragalia Lost actually developed a reputation
for being one of the most generous gacha games at the time. Its generosity was both a strength and its weakness, and was a major factor in why
the game was shut down after four years of service. (That and Cygames probably siphoned off DL's developers to work on its vastly more profitable
mobile game, Uma Musume, aka that one anime horse girl game).
My favorite part about Dragalia Lost was its gameplay. It wasn't for everyone, but I liked the touch-screen controlled action combat. A lot of
fights took a surprising amount of skill to clear, especially in co-op. The music was also top-notch and the art was nice. I'd say its weakest
aspect was its story, although I'm told that Dragalia Lost's story was quite good by mobile game standards. My favorite endgame fight was Expert
Volk. I still think it was DL's best fight, in terms of mechanics. On release, it was difficult but fair. My favorite special event fight was
the Morsayati one. You can see both fights below.
November 24th, 2022
Turkey Day, Tumblr, and Terrible Pokemon Games
Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate it and happy Thursday to all who don't! We celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday and so I get to
have leftovers today. Yesterday, I ate so much! We had the classics of turkey, stuffing, sweet potates,
and mashed potatoes and gravy, as well as roasted string beans and brussel sprouts and cucumber salad to be (somewhat) healthy. For desert
we had pumpkin pie, and we also drank some champagne. The champagne was kind of shitty but since I don't drink often, I got a little
light-headed from the two glasses I did drink lol. All in all, it was a very satisfying meal! 
Since it's Thanksgiving day, I thought I'd reflect on what I'm thankful for. Aside from the obvious stuff such as food, warmth, family/friends,
and shelter, I'm grateful that I still haven't gotten sick from covid or the flu. (Of course, now I've just jinxed myself lol.) I work from
home and don't go out too often, so admittedly the risk of me getting sick is pretty low but still, I'm thankful for it. While this year has
been turbulent, it's also been pretty good, I think. I've had some issues weighing on my mind for quite a while now, and I have
made strides in addressing them, despite my fears and anxiety around doing so. I'm proud of myself for that, and I'm thankful for the help I
have received along the way. 
I'm also grateful that I'm doing better mental health-wise, especially in
comparison to prior years. Just a couple years ago, I was severely depressed and suicidal. I was tired all the time and felt like I couldn't think.
My mind was hazy. Nothing felt real. The medication I took numbed everything, and I had to attend weekly therapy sessions. Now, I'm feeling
pretty good. My self-esteem is probably the best it's ever been, and I feel content. It's a little weird feeling at ease with myself. I'm not
sure if I have ever quite felt this way in my entire life. For as long as I can remember, I've always been a little down, a little anxious, and
a little insecure. Now, I'm pretty zen. I still have some off days, of course, and I still can get anxious but my anxiety feels manageable now.
I still have plenty of ways I want to improve and grow as a person. But in comparison to the person I was before, I am doing a lot better. It's
amazing how good you feel when you aren't suffering from major depression and generalized anxiety.
If you're struggling with your mental health, hang in there! Don't be afraid to reach out for help. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness,
but bravery. It takes courage to admit that you need help, even more courage to actually get it. Suffering on your own does nothing. You don't
get a reward for it, and you just end up being miserable. What's the point in that? So please ask for help if you're struggling! And remember that
'mental illness' is a bit of a misnomer. It implies that it's all in your head, which isn't true! Mental illnesses are a manifestation of a
physical ailment with your brain. You wouldn't blame yourself for feeling awful after you get the flu, so why should you blame yourself because
your brain isn't functioning at 100%? It's not something you can control and you didn't choose for this. Please hang in there, and remember that
it gets better! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually one day, the pain you feel now will find a place in your past and you'll keep
on moving on. 
Anyway, that's enough serious stuff for now. I've been having fun watching the shitstorm happening at Twitter. Who would have thought that a
narcissistic manchild that has failed upwards through life could have caused such a kerfuffle? As someone that hates Twitter, it's pretty
hilarious. I have an inactive Tumblr account that I've kept over the years to lurk on. It's been interesting seeing my dashboard go from mostly
dead to suddenly very active. Part of me welcomes everyone coming back but another part of me feels like this:
I wonder if it'll stay this way and people will keep using Tumblr, or if they'll abandon it again once they realize that Twitter still exists.
Personally, I highly doubt Twitter will die. Unless Elon Musk fucks up spectactularly and bankrupts the company, it'll probably still exist,
like a very angry cockroach with a penchant for sending death threats.
Been watching the drama surrounding Pokemon Scarlet and Violet avidly. As a Pokemon fan, I hate what the series has become. It's been downhill
from Gen 6 and it seems like we're in a 'dark age' of sorts for Pokemon. I don't understand people that dismiss criticisms around the games
because they're games for children. So? Children deserve good games too, and the earlier Pokemon games weren't a shit fiesta like Scarlet
and Violet are. 
Pokemon is one of the highest selling video game franchises in history, and it's an
absolute travesty how low quality the modern games are. It's embarrassing. Breath of the Wild, a game released almost six years ago
and developed for the Wii U(!!!) looks like a next-generation game in comparison to Scarlet/Violet. I don't understand how The
Pokemon Company could think that this is okay. Pokemon Scarlet/Violet, Pokemon Sword/Shield, and Pokemon Go have damaged the reputation of the
franchise. Surely, this would be a concern for TPC? Or have they simply stopped giving a fuck because Pokemon is basically an irl infinite
money glitch? Surely at least Nintendo would care? I know that Nintendo is hands-off when it comes to Pokemon, but maybe they need to
step in for quality control. TPC needs to stop mistreating Game Freak and give them some room to breathe, and maybe allow other studios to
develop mainline Pokemon games to free Game Freak from the eternal Pokemon mines. Although I had some misgivings around Scarlet/Violet before
it was released, Pokemon Legends: Arceus was such a breath of fresh air that I had hope. Unfortunately, it seems like my misgivings
were correct. While the gameplay was good, I thougt that Legends Arceus was quite ugly. But in comparison to Scarlet/Violet, it looks
like a damn masterpiece. Instead of taking two steps forward and one step back, Game Freak has backflipped backwards, tumbled down a mountain,
and landed in a pile of metaphorical shit.
November 22nd, 2022
Hello World!
Well, it's been a while! November is always a hectic month, but I can't believe that it's almost December. Where has all the
time gone?? I was hoping to update this site more this month but life got in the way. I was busy with
personal stuff and I'm also looking for a new job. Probably picked a bad time to look though, considering the state of the economy...
I was also trying to do Nanowrimo with a friend. However, I don't think either of us will be able to complete it.
As of writing this, I'm about 10k words behind. Yikes! She's even further behind at like... 20k or something lol. Looks like Nanowrimo will be
a wash this year. A shame but not entirely unexpected. I'm genuinely impressed with everyone that is able to complete it! Trying to juggle
writing goals on top of work and life is hard! It was so much easier when I was a teen and had no responsibilities lol.
I'm mainly writing this to finally set up my journal page. It's pretty basic right now, but functional. Although honestly, I'm not sure how
often I'll update this page. I already keep two journals irl. One is my more 'serious' journal that I write in semi-frequently. The
other is my Hobonichi Cousin, which I write in daily about casual day-to-day events. So this digital journal is a bit redundant. Ah, well.
I wonder what percentage of Neocities users actually read journals/diaries? I imagine it's very low. Most people seem to just be interested in
general site aesthetics and graphics. Personally, as a nosy weirdo, I like reading journal entries. It's fun to see other people's thoughts,
even if it's about the most mundane of things. So watch out! If you think that nobody is reading your journal, that's incorrect because I am!
My family and I will be celebrating Thanksgiving early tomorrow. Normally, we have a big family gathering where we go to my uncle's house and
all of my extended family comes. This year, we aren't doing it. I'm admittedly a bit relieved. I hate family gatherings. They're always so
awkward and uncomfortable, and I don't particularly like most people on that side of the family. Last year, I actually pretended to be sick to
get out of it lmao. A little childish and pathetic, yes, but man I really hate family gatherings. Looks like this year will be a pretty
casual Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to it!
As the end of November approaches, my mind always goes to Christmas shopping. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to get everyone. I
always get so inordinately stressed about it. I have an idea for my dad and others, but still not sure about my mom. She's a mystery.
If I ask her what she wants, she'll say something along the lines of 'a new house' or 'world peace'. Unfortunately, those aren't in my budget.
I'll probably end up getting her something practical, again.
I recently downloaded Obsidian to try it out and I really like it! Before, I used
Notion as my primary note-taking/organization app. I still like Notion in many ways. It's better for 'aesthetics' and I like its databases.
For the way I think, Notion's top-down organizational structure is more intuitive. However, I ultimately decided to switch to Obsidian because
unlike Notion, it allows you to save locally and access your files offline. Additionally, I have some security concerns in regards to Notion as
it isn't end-to-end encrypted. The likelihood of someone else seeing my data is low, but still, I'm paranoid. I'm not stupid enough to store any
compromising information in Notion. But, I don't like the possibility of someone being able to access my notes and see how cringe I am. I'm
still in the process of switching entirely over. Most of the work is trying to figure out how to transfer my databases. I recently
downloaded a plugin for Obsidian called Projects. Haven't tested it yet but
I hope with it, I can replicate Notion's databases. Anyway, this is me currently:
By the way, since this is my first journal entry, I figured I should give some credit! The background, note box, and back button are all from
foollovers! I did edit the note box to change the shadow color to match the background.
And the little pixels are from pixel-diary. I had a lot of fun looking through all of the pixels!
There are some weird sex-themed ones that made me laugh because of how bizarre they are.
